Buddy, in the US we have a saying "You're f@*cked." My wife (native of Belarus\half-Ukrainian and now US citizen) have stayed in Kyiv throughout this entire war. Good that you got out and are not mobilized. Realize that there will not be much sympathy or empathy for your plight in the western world for years to come. I can't help think of the children of Russia and what the future now holds for them. It looks like a dark, dystopian existence for a 10 year old. We who are living through this war and will hopefully still be here in Ukraine to celebrate victory, have at least something to look forward to. The psychological, sociological and all the other impacts on people like you will keep therapists busy for possibly decades to come. My wife and I are trying really hard not to hate all things Russian right now and believe me, it is a struggle. Especially after years of long talks about Russian literature, art, culture and the Russian Orthodox Church, we now must reconfigure our outlook. I feel for you but can't say that if I heard you speak Russian in my presence that I wouldn't get in your face. Don't want to feel that way, believe me. It's just the reality we see when the bodies of innocents are shown massacred on a daily basis. There's a lot of healing needed and will be, perhaps for generations. Good luck.