I am a former pagan who "officially" became Eastern Orthodox some 12 or so years ago so we share a certain commonality. You are beginning on a very interesting road and I applaud how you are starting your journey. I am writing to you from Ukraine where I have been with my wife throughout the war. People ask why does God allow this? God does not interfere with free will. What Putin and Russians are doing is exercising their free will. There is a book called "Orthodox Psychotherapy" that you might find helpful as you begin to walk this path. Take care and Merry Christmas from Ukraine.